I hurt to be with you...

There are times I think I hear you walking in the house and I long to see and have you touch my shoulder as you walk by. Today I sat at the kitchen table longing to see you sit down with me and to hear you talk. My heart bleeds to have you near me and have you talk to me the way you have always done. The house does not feel the same as we all try to live as life once was...then reality reminds me that your gone..not on a trip but gone from my life for good. I find that Im exhausted from the past few years of watching dad suffer and the wonder of how life will be like without him. My sleep gives me comfort from having to think about you all the time. I feel so empty and lonely..the world looks like a different place. What hurts is to see mom waiting for you to come home and she misses you now..trying to adjust to her new life without dad. Everywhere there is a memory of you being there...daddy.
Tonight my son cried for grandpa and he longed to have his grampa near him. It broke my heart to see his suffering and tears. What is a mother to do to help her young son deal with the loss of the only man in his life. All I could do was hold him and help him relax thru is pain as I reminded him that its another wave and it will soon end. Are we going to be able to make it through the hurt? My daughter had her first day of school today and she cried getting out of the car...I knew it was hard for her to move on at her age. Later she told me that she didnt cry..and she was proud that she was able to hold it together at school.
There are times I just want to cry and cry...and then Im reminded that Dad is having fun somewhere in glory...and he looks forward to us meeting him there. Im comforted by the hold spirit as scriptures and songs come into my head as though dad is singing them to me. The house doesnt feel the same without his music and song...I miss it. I wonder how long will we have to wait to see him again? When will I too complete the will of God for my life and arrive home to be with Jesus. Imperfect I am...yet I have a new longing to go home.