Overcast Weather

Today reminds me of the final days of being with my father as we watched him fight and struggle to the very end. A cloudy day brings back the memory of a stressful and emotional time in our lives...why did saying goodbye to dad have to be so hard? Its been 18 days since he left our lives here on earth and the pain is just as real. My heart longs to see him...at home..with us...the house is quiet..a different quiet because he is not here. Being on a schedule has been the norm for his house especailly with meals and now ...we dont eat the way we once did. Dad had us on his routine...The kids grieve thier own way...and its hard to be the one to bring comfort to the ones who dont understand. My heart bleeds to the point of breaking a thousand times a day. I look at the chores that need to be done now...dad would have not allowed his home to present itself this way. Mom is not who she once was...I dont hear her laugh anymore...her joy is gone and doesnt want to be home. Daddy??? Are you home? What are you doing now? How are you feeling? Has been my routine as I would see him and spend time with him. I sit here as my tears roll down my face and my pain aches longing to find comfort in his arms. I miss dad so much....his presence gave me a place to call home. I dont belong anywhere here on earth and Im at a loss..I want to go home.